Day 4
Mood:  lazy

weight: 273.2

Today was State Fair day!!!!!!  I had an amazing time.  I spent the day there with my 4 yr old and we had a blast!  I can't believe how much we walked.  She wanted to see everything.  We got to see a cow giving birth, that was an amazing thing (kinda gross, but still amazing) We got to hold a little piglet that was a day old.  One of the most fun parts is when Alexis got to milk a cow.  She was so excitied.  We went over to the kidsway rides and I ended up spending 30 bucks on tickets just for her.  She had a blast.  But I a determined that this time next year, I am going to be at a size where I can ride the rides with her.  That was the only down fall of my day (knowing that my ass was too big to get on the kiddie rides like some of the other parents did)  But no need to be so upset that I dwell on this, because I know that the next time the state fair is here, I will be one of those moms sitting with her daughter   I was all set to fail on my diet today, just thinking about all the foods at the fair is enough tomake me gain 10 pounds.  But I must say that I pretty much stayed true to my diet.  I had a few "slips"  but it wasn't anything like I pigged out on junk.  I took one sip of Alexis' lemonade and a bite off her hot dog.  That's it... see nothing too bad.  For the most part I just had bottled water and then I had a salad at lunch and a diet coke.  I am so proud of myself because I didn't cave.  We had an amazing day and I am worn out so I think I am going to go take a long hot shower and then go to bed. 

 

Day 3

weight: 275.8

Today has been a good day.  I haven't seemed hungry so I guess I am getting enough food and what energy I need is goign to come from ALL that stored fat.  I am a little worried about tomorrow because I am going to be at the state fair all day with my 4 yr old.  Thefood there always smells so good and there is everything you could ever desire to have if you aren't worried about carbs or calories.  I think tomorrow will be a test of my willpower(or lack of).

I have to say. my bf is being so supportive of my choices.  He just wants to make sure that I do this in a healthy way and he reassures me that he loves me no matter what. I couldn't ask for a better man in my life.  But I must admit when he asked me what plan I was going to follow, I knew better than to even mention kimkins.  If he would look it up and see the extremes and all the kimkin bashing posts, he would more than likely tell me to stay away from that.  so when I answered him, I told him I was following a low fat low carb plan.  Not a lie, but I guess not 100% truthful either.  He has asked that I do go see my doctor and get all the blood work and a check up before I go head first into this and I have made the appointment.  it is on Monday, so that is 1 week after I started, but that was as soon as I could get in.  I will stick with regular check ups just to make sure everything stays in a healthy range and to make sure I am not causing some hidden long term side effects.  I don't think what I am doing is much dif. than a diet after something such as gastric bypass. I just hope all this will do me some good.

Time to be accountable
Mood:  hug me

 

Weight: 277.6 

Ok, so I pulled out the tape measure and did a few vital body measures.  Let's just say that I would much rather not post them.  But I figure if I am going to sussceed at this whole weightloss goal, then I need to be 100% accountable for who I am and what I have become.  I can no longer lie to myself and say "oh I am just a big girl and I am happy with who I am, so other should accept that"  I am so not happy with the person I see looking abck at me in the mirror.  I am not happy with how I feel on a daily basis.  I am 35 and msot days I feel like I am 80.  I don't want to feel like this anymore and I am the only one that can change this.  So here are some of those HARSH numbers that showed up on my tape measure.

 left arm:17 inches
 right arm: 17.5 inches
 Left thigh: 28.5 inches
 right thigh: 28 inches
 waist: 50 inches
 hips: 56 inches
 chest: 53 inches

To be honest, they shocked me I mean I know I am "large"  But this has made me face the facts that I am beyyond "large.  I am obese, not only obese, but MORBIDLY OBESE. For a woman that is 5'5 with a med frame, it says I should be between 127 and 141. I also it calculated my BMI to be about 43.  Taking a long hard look at these numbers, ti upsets me and also scares the hell out of me.  Maybe this is what I need to see in order for me to give me the push I need to stick to a new lifestyle.

 

Day 1
Mood:  flirty

I should have started this yesterday, but I was lacking in time.  So todaay will be my offical first day, but my weekly weight charts will be done on Mondays. I have done a fast and a cleanse before I started all of this, and then gave my body a week of "normal" time to readjust to eating.  So my startingweight today is 279.0  On the screen it looks so horrid.  But this is how I have to face up to the facts.  When things are "on paper" I tend to be more accountable for them.

I think I hit my breaking point a few weeks ago when I was looking in the mirror and realized just how fat I had become.  This is something I have tried to hide, but at almost 300 pounds, there is no way to hide it, no matter "how pretty your face is"

I need to face the fat in order to over come it and to change my life style.  This is not a diet.  This HAS to be a lifestyle change.  I will succeed with this, there is no other choice.